FEEL. |Connecting with My Inner Ambience

FEEL.

I thought I’d design with much passion, color, and PoP since the winter always gifts me with feelings of power and inspiration unlike any other time of the year, and I wish that these were the only things the winter brings for me since I am a winter soul, but this time of the year also brings out some deep unpleasantness, some unease, some sadness, due to shedding old spiritual skin. It makes perfect sense, given that the wisdom from our ancestors teach that winter is time of inner reflection, connecting with our truest state of being,  and letting go of what no longer serves us.

In my view  we don’t live in the most emotionally healthy, or supportive society here in the western world, and so because of this revelation first from The Most High, and confirmation from resources that I am blessed to have come across I’ve found this newfound journey to getting in touch with my true feeling very exhausting, and I now see how much I have detached myself from them in winters past because subconsciously I just didn’t feel like doing the work of recognizing, truly feeling, and accepting them. Closing doors, and changing light bulbs spiritually is WORK. It is easier to act like a robot, and just walk around pretending to be unaffected by things (both pleasant and unpleasant).  I now know it’s ok to feel what I feel, to be intuitive, and to accept my imperfect, complex self COMPLETELY. It is ok to detach from what doesn’t serve me, and thus doesn’t assist me in serving. Saying no to some things, which frees me to say yes to what’s best. This means shifting, shifting, and more shifting. Life won’t be easy, and it won’t be familiar. I’ve never done this before so I am going to make mistakes, and I’m going to lose, and I’m going to gain.  I want to remain true to who I am and move forward creating a better world for my spirit to be free as God intended.  After all nothing is hidden, we just think we can hide. Society has taught us to try and hide, because it’s “easier” for us to assimilate that way and not “bother” one another, and keep to “business” at hand. The only business I have is being in tune with myself and my Creator.

I know I’ve done myself a great disservice by not trusting my own inner nudges when things didn’t feel right for me, and  I have often waited for some additional reason to be happy than just being happy and doing what brings me pure bliss & joy.  In the name of “waiting on God to show me” I’ve waited in vain. I no longer hold myself hostage in a shame and fear based belief system thinking I’m doing God a favor, by giving into my own fears and insecurities. I still deal with abandonment issues, and I know this is the root of this tree. It has taken 31 years to grow so I have lots of work to do but I am committed to myself. Even if I am wrong, I can ask for forgiveness. God is the same today, yesterday and forever. He never intended for me to ignore and neglect myself. If nothing else I’m clear that it is for my mental, physical and spiritual health to FEEL. This is what my God-given senses were created to do. I have a right to own what I feel. No more self guilt trips for feeling, whether that’s bliss or the depression. God lights my path, and when I fall He is always there to pick me back up not to sit me in a far-off place and judge me but to hold me, dust me off, reveal to me another lesson to share, and reassure me of the depths of divine love. I am connecting with my inner ambience because I am FREE to be ME. 💝

xoxo| Wishing you Self-Acceptance & Patience

 Alysia.

Giving My True Self A Chance | Self Love 101

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I’ve sought love, peace and acceptance everywhere. I consistently found myself on winding roads, and in ditches, even in some head on collisions; of which, some were nearly fatal, BUT as always, God stepped in, destiny stepped in, and here I am today.

I remember studying people, to see what I could do to mimic them, in hopes that this would finally deliver me from the soul aches, and starvation I was experiencing. In hopes that they would “like” me, and I would finally find some sense of true belonging. After attempting this several times, in several relationships in my life I found myself triple-minded (This is a personal term of mines (lol) meaning I was confused, and didn’t know my beginning from my end. It felt as though each time this occurred, one thing was consistent- and that was I disliked myself a bit more than the last time, I judged myself a bit harder, and I was devastated more, as if I had not been down that winding road before. I had analyzed each circumstance to be completely separate and unrelated, until I woke up. I then recognized how each fall had the same underlying “slip”, if that makes sense. I recall an African Proverb that says ‘Don’t look where you fell, look where you slipped.” Each time, without fail when God was trying to give me solitude, and an opportunity for self-discovery, and healing it seemed that on the other hand there was opportunity for a new relationship platonically, or romantically. Out of my fears, and trying get quick fixes, you already know which option I chose each and every time.

I believe I had to go through those things, even in my free will for my soul to learn that health of my life depends on being single minded, and settling into ME. Once I planted myself, and decided to accept me I began to take root. I knew I had taken root, because things that would have traditionally moved me, maybe made me sway, but I remained. Over time I began to like this feeling of being Alysia. Being focused, and doing the hard work of self-discovery, and self-acceptance. In the beginning of this phase I remember literally asking God to send me butterflies, ladybugs, bees, and all. I wish I still had the Facebook post so I could show you proof. (LOL)  Of course this was my metaphoric imagination speaking to God. I knew I need to be pollenated correctly, I knew I needed a new life. As I matured and began to blossom, it seems as though everything came to me. My bees, my water, my ladybug friends, everything. I learned if nothing else that when you are still in yourself, and you trust who you are created to be, everything falls into place. You don’t have to chase, you don’t have to beg or plea. Ever seen a flower move? 🙂

Since I’ve been through so much in my short time here, it takes everything in me to stay still. Not physically, but sustaining a posture of psycho-spiritual rest. Some days it takes things that I don’t possess. I have learned to seek out what I don’t have that will keep me where I need to be.   Today, I choose me because God chose to manifest me in this time, space, and place for a divine purpose. A purpose that no other soul can fulfill. I have the courage to tell you, please give yourself a chance if you’ve been running from YOU. Nothing else can help you sleep at night. Stillness causes you to see things you have never seen before. Even on a “regular” day, nothing looks the same twice. It’s beautiful, it’s scary, it’s liberating, it’s painful, soul wrenching, yet soul quenching. The love you will begin to FEEL won’t compare to any other relationship. I’m married, and happily for 3 years and I can say I still choose ME. I hope this encourages you.

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