Fulfilled.

 

 “The woman is happy who finds happiness in solitude as well as companionship. “

I love the freedom that communion brings. Enmeshment is restrictive, it tangles, confuses, traps and restricts whereas communion allows for intimacy, time, choice, space, and individuality, which all breed PEACE & HARMONY.

Overcoming enmeshment isn’t easy.  I fight every day to maintain the level of freedom I’ve gained in this part of my life, and create avenues for more freedom. I just want to share some things I’ve implemented. Above all, without being honest with me, I couldn’t have gotten to this place.

 1.  I no longer have a best friend(s), I have sisters and brothers.  Overcoming co-dependency.. The whole hierarchy system triggers a seemingly automatic “above the law” or “exception to the rules” way of relating in me, which has had very little to do with the person, and everything to do with my faulty belief system about accountability, mutuality, and boundaries. Taking the time to discover myself has helped me to be realistic about who’s compatible with today’s Alysia, and who isn’t.  Only I can decide that. I love all of my sisters and brothers equally, and that’s enough for me.  No bests and worsts! lol there’s so much freedom in that. I am working on being the best for myself for the first time in my life. We are attracted to what we BELIEVE is good, healthy and normal, and deserving on both conscious and sub-conscious levels. My new healthy and normal is Respect, Fun, Honesty and Accountability= true LOVE to me.

2. B O U N D A R I E S:  I remember days spending countless hours talking, texting, or e-mailing with others (this was before I realized  the importance prioritizing my personal space) Plus, I was kinda afraid of space then, because it meant I’d have to deal with me. It is my life purpose to encourage, and to give words of wisdom, and knowledge, BUT it’s not for the TAKING. God gave me the gift to use it wisely, and how I see fit. Guilt for not “helping” is not a move of God. False burden-bearing is not healthy. I would be unbelievably drained afterwards, but in the name of “help” I would forget about my first duty, which is to honor the temple God gave me, which includes taking care of ME, filling my spirit, guarding my heart, resting my mind, and choosing wisely what I put my mouth on. Nowadays I DON’T give unsolicited advice, and I selectively give advice that I’m asked for, and peace HATH FLOODED MY soul! lol Keeping my mouth shut really brings so much peace. Just because I have an answer doesn’t mean I should give it. Always use wisdom or people will drain you. You will drain yourself if you don’t protect yourself.

3. GOD FIRST: I put this at the bottom because it is the foundation on which all the above stands. Yahweh first out of love, and joy and fullness in all that YAH is and ever will be. Not because I fear He will leave me or because I have to work for love and approval. Castrated from purpose = Castrated from life. My purpose is to manifest God. Literally. LIVE. MOVE. And BE. IN HIM! = Fulfillment

 

Boundaries. Am I Worthy?

Setting healthy boundaries is a very complex task. Some days I feel I’m moving forward and seeing progress. I see hues and colors that I haven’t seen since my early childhood. My mind is vivid and I’m free. Those times, I’m usually highly creative, and art feels like my second heart beat. Other times I doubt my progression. I feel very alone, and heavily condemned for loving me a little more. Yes, I have those days too.  I have moments where I still feel unworthy, and like my past has haunted me. Then out of nowhere, I feel like I’m a new woman, ready to re-introduce herself, just to allow fear talk me right out of it. Often I’m tempted to repeat my people-pleasing. There’s an inner longing to betray myself. I see myself as a field of flowers waiting to bloom. On those days I find it more comfortable to sit tight. Waiting. Not allowing myself to open up for the world to see. I don’t want to imagine how it would feel to see every flower in Spring sitting tightly closed, though it’s their season to blossom unapologetically. I imagine this is what it’s like in a world that needs me to be myself, and I cower. Is it fear of the unknown? Is it the terror of admitting there are things I can no longer tolerate, no longer ignore, no longer allow to happen? Maybe the natural withdrawals of ending activities that rob me of my God given right to be happy, loved, appreciated, and free- is what I fear most.  Boundaries, I need you, but sometimes I don’t feel worthy to have you.

Discussion: “What Is Peace”| 5.23.13.☕

Hello love bugs, I’ve missed you so much!! The blog is still on Spring Break, but anyone who knows me knows breaks aren’t my strong point. *shrugs* Since there won’t be regular posting on the blog until June 21st, I thought it would be a perfect time to do some Blog Talk Radio segments. I’m challenging myself to be more open about my journey, and this is a great place to start.

 

I invite you to join me on 5.23.13. @ 6:30 PM ET, for my second segment of the year on Blog Talk Radio. To listen in dial (646) 929-0060. This discussion is entitled “What Is Peace?” As a brown girl on my journey of overcoming codependency, low self-esteem and depression I’ve gotten to place where I’ve discovered my inner peace. I would like to share with you what that is for me. Some people don’t know where to begin, so this segment will offer tips, encouragement, and the both the ups and downs one may experience while breaking free from codependency, and finding peace from my perspective.

I hope you choose to join me!

Don’t forget in the midst of the hiatus we can still connect on twitter!

xoxo

Heart Memo #1 ✉ Rest in Your Best.

 

It came to me this week to revisit false burden bearing in my daily meditations. The “Heart Memo” you see above is one of the affirmations I created for you all. I hope you heart it! ❤❤

It’s so easy to get over-burdened in the name of love, care and concern. It’s easy to get off track in the name of a lot of things, actually. LoL

I’m realizing the importance of resting in my responsibilities and my best. In order to be loving and affirming to myself I also have to remind myself of what’s not mines. I’m a “gotta get it done” type of person, which blurs the lines at times of what’s mines to take care of and what’s not. In the name of “get it done” I have often crossed the line of carrying more than my weight, unconsciously all for an outcome that I wanted to see, and then complain about it after I’ve “done all the work” and the desired outcome had not been achieved.  This is where resentment gets a foothold. Resentment is prevented when I accept my limits, let go of what’s not mines to fix, and release obsessing over outcomes.

Often we can forget that there are ways and plans that are wiser than ours. God’s ways and plans. Dis-ease forms and manifests in our spirits, souls and bodies when we don’t want to deeply accept what we cannot change. Acceptance is from the heart, not the mind. I know this first had. Things I “thought” I accepted in reality I hadn’t because in subtle ways I was obsessing over what could have been done and what I believe should have been done. I was trying to bear what wasn’t mines and in doing so I was keeping myself in bondage.

My life goal is to do my best and leave the rest in God’s hands. It’s called surrender. We were not built to try to figure everything out, and carry around the cares of others. We  are accountable to others but only FOR ourselves. Carrying false burdens means carrying around what doesn’t belong to us. It’s natural to help others, but it’s unnatural to consume ourselves with the lives of others. I’ve resigned from trying to climb up on God’s throne about a year ago, but like everyone else I’m human and old habits don’t die easy. I can’t. I have long arms and legs, but they aren’t that long. 🙂 I have a  heart and I am able to love but I am not LOVE only God IS LOVE. Being a good Steward comes from setting healthy boundaries.

I am learning to prioritize cultivating my own happiness and joy and guarding my thoughts. I have decided to not be easily moved. Loving myself means releasing. The highest act of humility is casting my cares upon God. The highest act of self- love is staying true to my identity, and not losing myself in anything.

Here are some quotes that I’ve come across in my meditations for this week:

“To the extent the child in us has not trusted God with our own wounds, we will not trust God with the wounds of others, and we will try to become their savior.”

“In your serving of others, if there is driven-ness or fear, frustration or resentment, or a martyr or messiah complex, there could be false burden bearing.”

“Aren’t you glad that you aren’t God? Your responsibility is to offer what He gives you. We can’t change anyone or make anyone do anything.”

” Since we are not in control of the universe, it would be unfair for God to hold us responsible for it.”

 

Remember, God’s yoke is easy and His burdens are light! Matthew 11:28-30

 

Peace and Serenity,